Phantom and the others
by LisalikesPhantom
Summary: so what actually happened in the late 1800s at the Opera House? we all know the hot Phantom existed...all a bunch of stupidness that just pops up in my head...Phantom stuff...ya. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**ATUTHOR'S NOTE: hi...this is my fist fic ever, so...um...it probably sucks. please review, give me some suggestions. btw, i'm Phantom obsessed :D.**

**P.S: i own nothing...sadly. OH gosh wouldn"t it be cool if i owned Erik. hehe :)**

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Once, a long, long time ago there lived a man. Or was he a man? That was a simple question, yet for some unable to answer. He was masked, living within the depths of the earth…deep down in the catacombs of the Opera Populaire. What went on in the darkness is almost unknown, for no one knew it all. No one but Him. What went on down there, amidst the pain and torture, is only imaginable. What exactly happened over a century ago in Paris…so long ago yet it still seems to echo…….

"CHRISTINE! FATE HAS BOUND ME TO YOU FOR ETERNITY AND ONE AND A HALFFFF!"

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES, YOU IDIOT!", Christine screamed at raoul, her head pounding with the urge to hurt this man, this – thing - as much as she possibly could. The fop stood there with his mouth open, green slime dripping from his slimy mouth, holding a banana in one hand, a monkey in the other. "you WHAT?!?!?!" he screamed questioningly. "I NOTHING!", Christine yelled back, "YOU THINK THINGS ARE SAID THAT WERE NEVER EVEN SAID, YOU RETARD!". Christine was growing more and more frustrated.

"I am NOT a tree.", raoul stated stupidly. "ohh, YAY YOU!" Christine cried sarcastically.

raoul grinned. "yay me, poo you", he stated smartly. Christine rolled her eyes. What happened to him, she would never know. Another thing she never figured out was that he was always like this. Somehow she didn't realize he acted like this until last week.

"Put the monkey down", she said, forcing herself to stay calm. "no, not Kwenzee", raoul replied wide-eyed. He stared lovingly at his…monkey apparently. "Fine, then give me the banana", Christine tried calmly. God knows what raoul could do with a banana. He could mess anything up. raoul gasped, "not banana", he whimpered fearfully.

Christine closed her eyes. She wanted to harm this slime bucket. Kick him, punch him, what ever. But she did not feel like messing her hair up. Suddenly she came up with an idea. The one thing she knew would cause raoul to keel over. Her own personal weapon. _YES!_ she thought. She opened her mouth. Out came the loudest, screechiest, highest note she could manage to sing/scream. She held it for as long as she could. raoul fainted. Christine smiled, satisfied. She went to pick up the…er…monkey named Kwenzee and the banana when …"That was freaking ugly." Erik was standing right behind her. Christine blushed like a tomato. God dammit, he _heard. _"Of course I heard you", Erik said. _My god this man is so hot it is unbelievable, _she thought, trying to breathe. "you were lucky you didn't wake up all of freaking France", Erik continued. "huh?...oh..yesm….", Christine mumbled. _WAIT A TICK! I CHOSE RAOUL OVER THIS INCREDIBLY HOT GENIUS?!?!?!?!? EVEN WHEN I THOUGHT RAOUL WAS NORMAL????? HOLY EFFING SHIT! _

"Pardon me?", Erik asked, "I didn't quite catch that." Christine stared at him. "You read minds?????", she asked, bewildered. "Don't have to, do I? You like to scream. And apparently you don't like the fop?", Erik asked, annoyed. Then he chuckled, "A tad ironic isn't it, since you're the new foppess de Chagny?"

Christine grinned. "at least it knocked raoul out", she said proudly. Apparently she wasn't the brightest crayon in the crayon box. "Oh, we're still on _that"_, Erik rolled his eyes. _That was like five sentences ago…she's been damaged, I can see,_ Erik thought.

"Yes, that freaking ugly _thing_ you just…sang, was it?...knocked him out". He nodded at raoul. "CAN CAN!!", Christine shrieked. Erik looked at her, not surprised. "what?" he asked, really annoyed now. He needed to finish composing his new Opera and he was wasting time. "CAN CAN!", Cristine repeated. She started to dance the can can, changing the words to 'fop got knocked out fop fop, fop got knocked out fop fop'. ..

She grabbed Erik's arm excitedly, trying to get him to join her in her little celebration. He shrugged her off and walked away, back to his music. "YOU"RE HOT ERIK AND I LIKE THE SWISHNESS OF YOUR CAPE!"


	2. Things to be Settled

**author's note: yeah...it sucks, i know. but if no one reviews im just gonna stop cuz i don't like it much and it just tells me that other ppl don't like it either...no point in writing if no one likes it, right?**

**i own nothing, they're all Leroux's characters.**

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Chapter 2 ---- things to be settled.

Erik turned around. "It is a cloak", he stated, "just to settle that". He stared annoyingly at Christine. She was drooling. "an' yo' hoaaww-tt", was all she managed to say through all her saliva. She realized how ridiculous she was acting, and quickly wiped the slime away. "Just to settle _that,_ HA!", she yelled. Erik was at a loss for words. _I mean I know I was obsessed with her once, but…god she's ANNOYING! _Erik thought.

"YES, THAT IS A CLOAK, NOT A CAPE GOD DAMNIT!", V screamed. "thought…you…oughta….know…….it's…..settled.", he panted. He turned to Christine. "What are YOU lookin' at??", he asked her. Christine twitched. Then she grinned. Then she opened her mouth and closed it again. "Is it settled that you have a fringe?", she asked V. "Great observation, A+ for you!", V replied, and walked away. Christine looked pleased with herself. "Look, Erik, it's an _Ornithopter_!", Christine squeaked and pointed at a fluff in the air. She jumped up and ran to it, flinging her arms out trying to grab the fluff. "ooohhh, Erik, he's so _soft"_, she crooned. "I name thee Charlie", she said adoringly to this tiny piece of dust. "Christine, this…dust particle has no gender, nor is it alive. Sorry, but I had to settle that.", he explained slowly to Christine. "Erik, you're so silly, it isn't a dust bunny, if that's what you mean. I will cherish my new ornithopter 'till the day I die.", she looked down at her treasure. "My precious, you will always have a home", she waited for the fluff's answer, then 'replied': "that's right, that's settled."

Erik rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna go now", he said. "FINE, Erik, it's all SETTLED! You have to go, FINE, let's settle it, THIS is SETTLED", Christine stated. She put her nose up high into the air and walked away. Erik was already off into the shadows, and went poof, vanish, and disappeared.

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raoul woke up and stood up from the ground. "henka wenka weyyyyyy", he said. "So it is settled you belong in rehab", someone said. "I want a ruler", raoul demanded to the air. "I'm the queen of the world", V said, passing through, then disappeared. "My favourite colour is purple, and NO ONE can take it from me, NO ONE, YOU HEAR??", raoul screamed. He smiled. "good, that's settled", the random voice said, "I like orange, anyways." "BETCHYOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR IT'S SETTLED", raoul chanted, and sat down by the lake, throwing invisible rocks into the water. "doo da day, how sad to say…everything – lalala lalala lalala LLAMA", raoul ranted. "" I'd like an alpaca one day", he told the water. "it's totally settled", he added."That's enough, _raoul"_, Lisa said, "get out of my story. Too much foppiness. Get OUT!"

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didn't know how else to end it :P ... REVIEW PLEEEEAAAAAASEE 


	3. Potato

Chapter 3 --Potato

**ok seriously, i am not joking. i have 66 hits and one single review (from my loyal friend lizard..thanks!)  
i have no idea what it's like, I don't think it's that great, but my single opinion just isn't enough. I'm stopping after this if i don't get at least one review. i don't care if it says you don't like it, just say..."hi..your story sucks"  
it could even be even shorter : no good. OR: no****  
yessum, that's how desperate i am. so seriously...i swear on...this fluffy pen that has a star on it...give me some reviews and i will take your suggestions, or i'm stopping for good.**

**i don't own anything btw...'twould be really yummy if i did though... drools**

**on with the chapter...**

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"God DAMNIT", Erik cursed. "B flat, C, C sharp, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT", he yelled at his latest composition. He was stuck with one note, and neither its sharps nor flats seemed to fit in. Erik growled. "I shall see back to you later", he threatened. Erik threw down his feather pen thing and got up from his organ. He was about to go into the kitchen to get a snack, when he remembered that he doesn't eat. "Oh darn, I never should have acted all smart to daroga back in the rosy days…´ohh one doesn't need to eat more than once a day bla bla BLA" , he mumbled to himself. _Even the Opera Ghost could do with some Lays every now and then. _Then he remembered something. _That idiot had a bag of lays in his pathetic little carriage. Time to get my old making things disappear and appear in my pocket skills out, _Erik thought. Having nothing better to do, he set out to see if he could find raoul, the fop needed some good scaring. _And then I could steal his chips. _He chuckled at his ingenious idea. He had almost reached his boat when… "whatcha doin' Erik??", a really annoying voice asked. Christine came running towards him, her arms outstretched, laughing like a maniac. Erik kept walking. "wandering around; about to be very entertained", Erik replied annoyed. He thought Christine had left, and turned around. Suddenly she was right there, a foot away from him, and jumped on him. Erik was stumped. "What the hell do you want now?", he asked. Christine looked up from the floor; Erik was very strong and instead of pushing him to the ground when she tackled him, she slid down and was now hanging onto his leg, grinning strangely. "I…I……….I carried butterflies", she said stupidly. Erik rolled his eyes. "That's nice", he said, and continued walking, Christine dragging from his leg. Erik was untying the boat, about to step in. "OH MY GOD A BOAT!!!!", Christine screamed, and dove into the boat, causing it to rock back and forth dangerously. Erik sighed. He steadied his boat and began rowing away, Christine lying unconscious beside him. _How did she get down here, _he thought, _I thought I sealed all the passages?_, he wondered.

Christine stirred. "CHARLIE", she yelled, "CHARLIE WHERE ARE YOU", she began searching the boat. After about a minute, she patted her shoulder. "Oh right, my precious, I forgot I taped you to me for _ever"_, she said in an odd voice. Christine looked up. "ceiling…pretty ceiling…", she whispered. Then her eyes widened in shock. "OMG PEE ROOM!!!", she shrieked, and jumped into the water, swimming away by waving around her arms and legs oddly.

"There she goes", Erik mumbled annoyed.

Up in the Opera House, Erik climbed around the rafters for a while, swishing his cloak and looking for the fop. He soon enough found him sitting in a corner, underneath his little fort made out of stuffed monkeys, powdering his cheeks and playing with his hair. Erik tried not to laugh out loud. He made his way beside the fort, and listened. "It's okay, Kwenzee my love, your hair will be all fixed soon", raoul spoke to his monkey thing. This was Erik's chance. He used his ventriloquist skills and his voice appeared to be coming from raoul's beloved Kwenzee. "raoul…", he whispered. "raoul…it is I"

raoul gasped. "BARBIE??", he exclaimed. He obviously couldn't tell where the voice was coming from. Erik sighed. "yes, raoul.", he replied. "woooaaaahhhh", raoul said, amazed. "raoul, they're coming to get you…._all _of them…you need to run _quick"_, Erik said. "OH MY GOD", raoul shrieked. "I CAN"T LET THEM! THEY WILL NOT STEAL MY PURPLE PENCIL FROM ME!!", ran out, sprinted as fast as he could, arms flailing about, trying desperately to get somewhere. He just ended up wetting himself, so he ran to the loo. Erik chuckled. "And how were you planning to get those potato things like that?", V asked. "Oh that was just for fun. Every man needs some entertaining. MY CHIPS!", Erik yelled, tied V to a broom with a flick of his wrist, and appeared back moments later with the bag of lays chips in his hands, smiling. "allright allright, untie me will you?", V asked politely. Erik took out a dagger and cut the rope. "knives are MY thing!", V screamed, appaled. " I am shocked, _shocked!_", he added, and stalked off.

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**a/n: if yoú don't get the lays thing...watch the 2004 ALW Phantom of the Opera and look closely when the hideous raoul gets out of his carriage in the beginning of the movie..you know when he was standing up in that carriage of his...sad sad fop. look on the seat :)   
p.s: please review???  
p.ss: sorry if i seemed harsh, im just not very good with threats. but i mean it with the bottom of my heart.  
P.sss: that was cheesy. sorry again. i do mean it though.  
p.ssss: review please...:D**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Others**

Erik was sitting in his house by the lake, munching on the last crumbs of his chips. He looked over at his organ. He sighed. _Better get working on that composition…_he thought.

After several hours of being deep into his music, Erik got off his stool, satisfied. But what he saw was ridiculous. "Erik…ERIKKKK!!!", Christine shrieked. She was doing the Can Can…._yet again. _ "COME ON ERIK", she screamed. Erik stared. V strolled in. There were a few awkward moments, both Erik and V staring at Christine, then glancing at each other. "Wanna play soccer?", V asked Erik. Erik stared some more. Christine Can Canned some more. Suddenly Christine stopped dead. "It's Hessian", she whispered. "OMG!", V screamed excitedly. Erik rolled his eyes. Hooves could be heard. "What the…", Erik started. Hessian was there, headless and all, holding his weapon. "Who's _that"_, raoul asked. Then his eyes widened. "OHHH IT"S THE HEADLESS MAN…THE….um…", raoul struggled. "the Headless Horseman", he finished. "No really", Hessian said. "woAHHH!" His horse reared, and he fell off.

"how do you talk…you're HEADLESS", V screamed. "So I am", Hessian said, getting back up. There was silence. Total silence. Everyone just looked around. "You're not supposed to talk!", Christine yelled. "noooo you DON"T how DARE YOU", she was not making sense. Ickabob emerged, attempting to throw Hessian's head and get it to land on his neck….but missed. "uh oh…", he said. Then his arm fell off and he got sprayed with blood. "Oh god damnit", he cursed. "tired of all this blood spraying me ALL THE TIME…GRR" Hessian tried to get to his head, but V found it first. "omg SOCCER!", he yelled, and drop kicked Hessian's head. "oh no you didn't!", Hessian whispered threateningly. raoul went for the ball, flailing his arms about and…missed the ball by 5 metres. "SCORE", he screamed, "SCOOOREEE!!!" he jumped around.

Ickabob fainted. Christine resorted to doing the Can Can, V kept drop kicking the head, and raoul went swimming on the floor. Erik watched. Vladimir walked in. "Who the hell are you?", Erik asked angrily. "Piano", Vladimir answered. Then he turned to V. "oh my god", Vladimir said, "You have a guy fox mask. Oh my god", he continued. V attempted to drop kick him as well, but something caught the stranger's eyes. He stared blankly ahead, towards the organ. "Piano", he said. "What?", Erik asked. "Piano", Vlad said, pointing ahead at the organ. "Piano", he said once more." "No…", Erik replied, "Organ." "Piano", Vladimir said again, now starting to walk towards the organ. "Organ", Erik answered alarmed, following Vladimir. "Piano." "Organ." "Piano" "…..Organ" They were nearing the organ, and Erik was frightened about the well being of his organ. Vladimir was possessed. "Piano!", he had a strange smile on his face. "ORGANNNN!!!!!!!!!!", Erik screamed, and punjabbed Vladimir with a flick of his wrist. "OMG", Ickabob yelled, "YOU LOOK LIKE A CORPSE". Erik was really annoyed. Hadn't anyone noticed that he wasn't wearing his mask? "So I do. Got a problem with that?", he asked Ickabob. "Not a 'tall", Ickabob replied. "Good.", Erik said. "Now, let's kill raoul", he suggested. Ickabob agreed. They made a plan. When they neared raoul, who was still swimming on the floor, Ickabob would grab him by the wrist and Erik would Punjab raoul and then throw him in the lake. "Look at the pretty birdy", Ickabob pointed at the ceiling. "Oi", Erik said, "there's nothing there." "Well look at the pretty pink flower", Ickabob said, now pointing at the ground. "No. shut up.", Erik replied. "Ready?", he asked Ickabob. "Yessum", he replied. They approached the fop. Erik signaled Ickabob to attack him. Ickabob jumped freakishly high into the air and landed far away from him. He neared raoul, and grabbed his foot. "his _wrist!"_, Erik hissed. "riiiight", Ickabob remembered, and grabbed raoul's wrist. PUNJAB!. raoul was suffocating, and Ickabob fainted once more. "Eh, he's annoying", Erik stated, and punjabbed him, too.

"I WON!!", V yelled triumphantly, kicking Hessian's head high into the air. Evey walked in. "Evey?", V asked. She ignored him, and kept walking. Suddenly he noticed she was surrounded by green smoke. She just kept walking, until she was out of sight. "NOO", V screamed, "EVEY!", and was about to follow her, when Erik stopped him. "Oh, just don't", he told V. "Yeah, Dude", Hessian said, "The chick had green smoke coming outta her. Forget her!" V shrugged. "Meh, you're right", he said.


	5. Phantom and The Last Ones

Chapter 5: …Percival

**A/N: OK SO did you know that in Sleepy Hollow Johnny Depp's character's name is ICHABOD and not ICKABOB???? MY WORLD IS CRUSHED!**

**Oh well, I shall still call him Ickabob…cause it's cooler and…it lessens the…crushing ness of my world.**

**Disclaimer:****I own nothing except for the own characters…Vlad. But I don't own him, he's real and he owns himself. And his piano. Yes.**

Hessian, V and Erik stood around, waiting for another episode of awkward moment ness to pass. Even Christine was being quiet. Erik rolled his eyes…_Where is she when you need her? This pause is wayyyy too long!_ Erik found it odd that she wasn't making any strange sounds, let alone _one_ strange sound. He frowned and actually looked around for her. He did not spot her until he caught a flinch of movement. Christine was standing straight up in a corner, a grin so large on her face that Erik was sure her head would crack in half. The grin kept getting larger, and, even though Erik knew it was scientifically impossible, he actually expected her scalp to explode. This situation was getting awkwardly out of hand. Christine began to flinch, more and more violently and then began to flail. "PERCIVAL!!!!!", she screamed loudly. Neither of the three masked/headless men knew what to do, but Christine had a goal and she would accomplish it if it was the last thing she would do. She sprinted towards them oddly, and stopped about one inch before V. "Percival." V looked amazed yet very shocked. "You want a puff?", Christine whispered. V raised an eyebrow(if that was possible), and Christine smirked. Out from behind her she pulled a smoking cigar. "You know you want it, Percival." V stared. He was completely speechless. Christine nudged Hessian, and whispered behind her hand, "It's to get his mask off! I like to take them off. It is my life ambition to remove everyone's. All of them. THEM ALL!" Then she cackled insanely and began to reach for V's mask, whispering, "shiny, shiny, I like…", and then she began to tap dance. Noticing that nobody was making music for her to dance along to, she made her own. "Heya woo woo glim min KA!" She made up a bunch of gibberish until she could no longer breathe. Then her mouth hung open as some guy walked in. He had brown hair and was rather tall. "Don't let me interrupt you", he said. So she continued until he applauded her. "AWESOMEISHNESSGALOREBALOOGY!", he yelled. Then he sat at the edge of a cliff that he built himself in a few seconds and began to slide down. Then he was gone. "PERCIVAL!", Christine screamed. "NOOOOOO!!", she yelled. Erik had enough. V stared in horror. Hessian stood. The water watered. The lair was lairish. Christine went back to trying to win over Erik, who tied her up to a musket. V went for a swim in search of parliament and Hessian galloped off in a huff, after having retrieved his head from under a pile of shrubberies. Erik was angry and did what he never, even these days, had expected himself to do: he did the unexpected: he punjabbed Christine. Yep. That's what happened. That's when the authoress walked in and asked Erik a million questions about music. Erik figured, _This girl is cool, and since I've just killed of Christine, I might as well give this a shot. She's mature._

Of course Lisa did not reveal her crazy self until after they were married. They lived happily ever after, and had many sons, daughters, horses and penguins, all of whom were named Percival. And that is what happened in the late 1800s down in the catacombs of the Opera Populaire.

The End


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